Heads Will Roll

Things I love...

♥ My amazing students, who make me laugh every day & give me something to be proud of.

♥ The fact that baby Bubbly chocolate bars are like, 5ish calories hahaha. Liz told me & we had a party. I am spreading the good word.

Kisses on the necks of "just friends"

This week has been so intense.
I had my visiting lecturer come yesterday. I was so scared, but my kids were (mostly) good for me. It went well, I passed, I got great feedback & really helpful suggestions.
I did so much last minute paperwork & she didn't even check it, boo. Hahah, that always happens in life though~

My sleeping patterns are a mess. I need to sort it out but I'm useless at calming down & switching off at night - I always have so much to think about. It feels like my brain is ticking & my thoughts are zooming. It's annoying, but I can't stop. My obsession with Mad Men doesn't help either. I can't stop watching it eeeeep. Marry me, Don Draper (even though you're an asshole sometimes).

Secrets

♥ I used to make icing in a mug & eat it. Seriously.

♥ I feel really, really bad about the things I said to one girl in Year 10 because I was trying to be "cool". I'm sorry.

♥ Sometimes I used to steal coins from my Dad's bedside table.

♥ I don't know if I actually like tea with a tiny bit of milk & no sugar, or if I trained myself to like it because that's how my Mom takes it & I always wanted to be just like her.

Orange Crush

I don't care what's happened before. I don't care how badly someone has fucked you over & hurt you & how shit you've felt. If someone needs help, you help them.

I stayed home yesterday & today. I think I just really needed a couple of days where I didn't have to go out or do anything. Although I did go & pick Kunal up from hospital today. He's fine; full of shit as usual. We have the funniest conversations ever. I was all weird because I'm sick & that's just what happens, & he's just weird in general. I took him to Wendy's after, & I said his chicken nuggets looked like little fish. They did.
(Chicken nuggets are actually made up from all of the left over parts of chickens - like their beaks, feet, coxcombs etc. Gross. Only Oporto has chicken nuggets from chicken breast.)

my life got flipped, turned upside down

I'm sick. It was coming & I could feel it but I pretended I wasn't & hoped it would go away. Apparently, that doesn't work. Then something disappointing happened & I think in that moment of weakness, my body/mind shouted "ENOUGH!" & gave up. So now I have a fever & I basically feel as though I am wrapped up in see-through cotton wool. My head hurts & my jaws hurt & my throat hurts & I just want to go home but I AM at home.
I turn into such a baby when I'm sick. I want somebody to give me cough medicine & rub my back & make hushing sounds until I fall asleep. I want someone to make sure I am warm enough. I feel like Samantha on that episode of Sex & the City except I'm not slutty enough.
At least my nose doesn't sound like a fucking kettle anymore.

We're falling apart to half-time

Was meant to catch up on a lot of things today. Clean room, clean car, tidy up things for uni.
Instead I spent most of it half-hungover watching Mad Men episodes. I've nearly watched an entire season today.
Oh, & did things with the Mommy as well.

I should never go to 21sts with an open bar.
After, Nicole & her boyfriend Simon came with me to Richard's house to meet up with Laura & Richie & Mike. I broke a statue's head off by accident. Cue mortification. Cue pacifying by Richie.

Party & Bullshit

It's funny how once you stop something, or even when something stops of its own volition, & then you look at it, you realise how different people are. Two people who seemed so close now lead such different lives, so separate from each other, & neither can really fit comfortably into the other one's space anymore. Their vibes are basically antithetical, when they once seemed so in tune & so intertwined.
You will probably never understand what happened. I'm not even sure I do. But I think we are on different tracks now, & I don't know if that can ever change. Maybe one day?
Who has changed, though? Me, or you? Or neither? Were we both just pretending the entire time? Did we bring out hidden parts of each other or did we influence each other to act in ways that weren't entirely 'us'?
I think you might still read this, but really I have no idea. But please be good to yourself. Look after yourself.

Never felt cold wearing nothing in the snow

There is so much to say, it's almost overwhelming. My posts list is filled with drafts - scattered half thoughts that I couldn't verbalise for whatever reason.(It actually took me about 2 days to finish writing this. I just can't seem to focus at the moment.)

A lot has happened recently.

Bulletpoints? Sure thang.

I'm still alive, I am still using this.

Big big big post coming soon. Possibly tonight.

park that car, drop that phone, sleep on the floor, dream about me.

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blasé [ˈblɑːzeɪ]adj

1. indifferent to something because of familiarity or surfeit

2. lacking enthusiasm; bored

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there is literally nothing that i want to do right now.

















(p.s. i hate that i can't stop thinking about you. who am i?)